Love Ignited (Hollywood Series Book 2) Read online

  Nathan’s face came into focus. He was standing over me with horror in his eyes. I sat up and puked on the floor beside the bed. My whole body was shaking. My muscles were tense. My face was sticky with tears and sweat. I didn’t remember doing it, but Nathan had claw marks on his arms and neck.

  “Ella,” he said softly, “are you with me, baby?” I managed a mechanical nod. He reached out to me, but I instinctively flinched away. He gave a curt nod and started toward the door.

  “Don’t go!” I pleaded. “Please, please don’t leave me.” A sob escaped me.

  He rushed back to my side. “I didn’t mean to hurt you, I promise. I didn’t realize you really wanted me to stop until you started screaming.”

  “You didn’t…I’m sorry…” I touched the scratches on his arms. “Did I do that to you?”

  He brushed it off. “Ella, who is Phillip?” Oh, no. “You kept calling me Phillip. I think you lost touch with reality there for a minute.”

  “I did? I said that?” I cried into my hands.

  “I think you’re going to have to tell me what happened to you. I don’t think I can deal with not knowing after that.”

  I looked at him, and his eyes said that I had no choice. I had just had a break with reality during sex. I thought he’d seen enough for me to tell him the truth.

  “I don’t even know where to start…”

  “Just start from the beginning. I’m here; I’m listening.” He took my hand, kissing it gently.

  I wiped my face and braced myself.

  “I’d just finished my residency in Louisiana. That’s where I’m from. My dad worked at the hospital where I completed my training. He was the chief psychiatrist there. I didn’t train directly under him, but I did observe his sessions from time to time. He was the best. I loved watching him work.

  “He had this one patient, Phillip.” My body shuddered, rejecting his name. “Phillip was one of the patients who had agreed to have residents observe him. I only sat through two of his sessions because he became fixated on me. Instead of talking about himself, he began asking my dad about me while I was sitting there. It was really awkward. I probably wouldn’t have thought much of it if he’d expressed curiosity about me to me directly, but he never spoke to me directly. The whole thing became counterproductive, so I excused myself from his case altogether.

  “My dad started acting really weird after that. He seemed paranoid, almost delusional. I thought maybe he was losing it. He didn’t say anything else about Phillip. He was just insistent on keeping me out of certain areas of the hospital. I had no idea that Phillip had been expressing his sexual fantasies about me to my dad during their sessions.

  “My dad ultimately handed the case over to someone else, but it wasn’t long before Phillip escaped. Everything just went to shit after that.” Nathan offered me a tissue, urging me to continue.

  “No matter where I went, he was there, and no matter how fast the cops were, they couldn’t seem to catch him. They were always two steps behind. This went on for months. I moved back in with my dad. He thought he could keep me safe.” I let the tears roll, thinking of how much he’d really believed it.

  “What happened?” Nathan said.

  “Phillip came to the house one night when I was at a friend’s house. My dad tried to reason with him. He tried to treat him in the doorway. He wanted to reach him, you know? He was trying to help all of us. Phillip didn’t see it that way. He pushed his way inside, and when my dad wouldn’t tell him where I was, Phillip slit his throat with a pocket knife.”

  “Fuck.”

  “Yeah,” I pulled my knees to my chest. “I found him the next morning when I got home from my friend’s house.”

  “Where was your mom?”

  “Daddy and she had been on the outs. She was in New York with her new boyfriend.”

  “Wow, Elena.”

  I cringed. “Please don’t call me that. Ever. That’s what he called me.”

  “I’m sorry. A lot of times, during dominant play, I only use given names. I had no idea...”

  “I know you didn’t, but I can’t deal with it coming from you or any other man for that matter. In fact, no one calls me that anymore.”

  “All right,” he said.

  “After my dad, I was a mess. I threw myself into work because it was all I knew to do. I couldn’t be in the house…I just couldn’t. So I worked. I worked days, nights, weekends, whatever. I just kept busy.

  “I felt that, as long as I was working, Phillip couldn’t touch me. I thought the hospital was the one place he wouldn’t go. Plus, it was a mental institution so the security is crazy tight, right? I was so naïve.

  “I set up a cot in the east wing where they were doing renovations. I would sleep there most of the time, just to keep from going home. I felt secure there. The cops were hot on his trail. They assured me that it wouldn’t be long before they had him because they were tracking him. He hadn’t left the area, hadn’t even tried to escape. He was waiting for me.”

  “I don’t understand,” Nathan said. “Why? Why would he go through all of that?”

  “I don’t know. I still don’t know. He was originally institutionalized for attacking a classmate, after she failed to return his advances. He was ruled unfit to stand trial. He was diagnosed as being clinically insane. In case studies similar to his, when an unhinged person becomes fixated, they rarely change their target. They seem to continue fantasizing about that one individual. I don’t know why he decided that I was worth obsessing over. The theory was that it had something to do with the fact that my dad was his therapist, but I don’t believe that. I just think he’s crazy.”

  “So I’m guessing the police didn’t catch him since you are still in hiding?”

  “No, they didn’t…haven’t,” I corrected. “I still have hope that they will eventually. They wanted me to bait him. I was willing to try until he caught up to me at the place where I thought I was most safe.”

  Nathan’s expression hardened. It made it harder for me to keep talking, but I did.

  “I had pulled a double and decided to grab a siesta in my safe spot around five in the evening. I thought I would sleep a few hours and do some night rounds for the on-call doctor. I didn’t even think about it being the visiting day. People were coming in and out, but they did three days a week, so it didn’t occur to me that I should be concerned.

  “I made my way up to the third floor. All of the workers were gone for the day, as they always were by the time I got up there. He was waiting for me just inside the room where I kept my cot. I didn’t even see him. I walked through the door and I was on my knees with my hands tied behind my back before my mind could even process what was happening. All I could think was that it couldn’t be real. He couldn’t be there. Even if he had gotten in, how would he know to look on the deserted third floor? I still can’t wrap my mind around how easy it was for him to walk around the facility undetected so many times. The surveillance showed that he’d been in and out eight different times on visiting day, just watching me. No one even noticed.”

  “What happened in that room?” Nathan asked. I shook my head. “Ella…”

  “He raped me.” I shrugged. Nathan’s eyes widened as if he’d expected something different. “He said he wanted to tie himself to me forever. He said he would never let me go, and if I were pregnant, I wouldn’t want to leave him.”

  “Pregnant…” Nathan whispered.

  “He thought if he got me pregnant, it would tie us together somehow. He pushed me down onto my stomach, with my hands behind my back, and raped me. He whispered my name the whole time, like we were lovers. He just kept saying, ‘Elena.’” I could taste the bile rising as I said the words.

  “I would’ve never…if I would have known that, I wouldn’t have…” he stuttered.

  I gave him a small smile. “I know.”

  “Why did you let me?”

  “I trust you. I didn’t know I would react that way. I really do trust you
, Nathan, it’s just…I haven’t been with a man like that since.”

  “It’s not a matter of trust, Ella. That’s a matter of self-preservation. Like I said, I wouldn’t have put you in that position if I had known.”

  “You wouldn’t have touched me at all if you would have known.” He didn’t deny it.

  “How did you escape?” he redirected.

  “Mrs. Faulkner. She was a custodian. She found me while he was sleeping. I don’t remember much between the first rape and when she found me. I must’ve blacked out.”

  “The first rape?”

  “The doctor said she thought I had been raped several times in a short period. I was only with him for about twenty-four hours before Mrs. Faulkner found me. I don’t know what would’ve happened if she hadn’t come. She woke me, untied me, and ushered me out.”

  “That’s amazing. You’re really lucky that he didn’t wake up, huh?”

  “Oh, he did. She smacked him in the face with her mop handle.”

  “I can see her doing something like that.” He gave a sympathetic smile to lighten the mood. I appreciated it.

  “So how do you even know this guy is still looking for you? I mean he could’ve found someone else to obsess about by now. That had to have been a few years ago, right?”

  “Yes,” I said. “I don’t know. I just feel it. I don’t think he’s given up yet. When I was running away, he said he would never give up. He said he would kill us both, Anna and me, um, Mrs. Faulkner. I don’t want to take that chance, and neither does she, so we’re here, together. We keep each other safe.”

  “So you both just up and left?”

  “Not right away. I reluctantly agreed to walk around town under police surveillance. I was a mess, but I really wanted him caught. I know he was watching me; I felt it, but he was too smart for them. When he couldn’t get to me, he went after Mrs. Faulkner at her house. The only reason she escaped was because she had a very protective dog. She was divorced and never had any kids, so without Leroy, her dog, she would’ve been toast. After that, she and I became inseparable in our trauma. We bonded.

  “We decided that we wouldn’t put ourselves through any more. My dad’s best friend helped us. He gave us new identities and helped me set up my practice here.”

  “So your real name isn’t even Ella?” He looked hurt.

  “It is. I just changed my last name.”

  “What is it?”

  “I can’t tell you that. Please try to understand.”

  He looked away but nodded. “Okay, I understand. So now you’re a celebrity shrink. It looks like that has worked well for you.” He motioned around at our surroundings.

  I laughed. “I’ve never taken a dime from any of my patients.”

  “What?”

  “Nope. I couldn’t leave a paper trail. Besides, I didn’t need the money. Anything paid by patients is made out to the courts and redirected into a women and children’s charity.

  “I built this place with my trust. That’s why my mom stopped talking to me. Daddy left me everything. He excluded her completely. They were technically still married, even though they were separated. She did do me the kindness of not taking me to court to contest the will. I will give her that much, but she was very upset.”

  “After everything you’ve been through, your mom doesn’t even speak to you?”

  “She doesn’t know where I am. I keep up with her, though. Right now she is in the French Riviera sipping mojitos with her boy toy. She’s happy. I’m happy for her. But telling her where I am would only put her in danger, and I can’t do that. I left everyone behind. No one knows where I am except my dad’s best friend, and well, now you.”

  He rubbed his face hard. “That’s a lot, Ella.”

  “I know. I‘ll understand if you don’t want to do this with me anymore. Really. No hard feelings. Unfortunately, again, you are stuck here for the duration of your sentence. I wish I could send you somewhere else, but the district attorney won’t allow it. I even called the judge to see if he could do something.”

  “Stop,” he said, taking my hand. “I don’t want to leave.”

  “I can assure you that I would never put my patients in danger. I’ve taken every precaution to keep everyone here safe, including exiling myself away from everyone else on the property, but I understand if you’re afraid. I mean this crazy person is out there just waiting…”

  “No, I’m not afraid. Chances are he’s moved on. I wish you had that closure, but I’m not afraid. With that being said, I don’t think we can continue—”

  “It’s fine,” I interrupted. “I get it. You don’t have to explain. I’m sorry I lied to you. You’ve been really good for me, despite this little meltdown. Thank you, for helping me get to know myself again.” I mustered up a smile. “Let me walk you out.”

  “Ella, will you just let me talk for a second? All you’ve done since I’ve been here is beg me to talk, and now you can’t wait to push me out the door. Can I finish what I was going to say?”

  “Yeah, okay.”

  “I can’t be dominant with you anymore. It’s just not an option.” I nodded, looking down at my hands. “However, and I can’t say this with any kind of certainty because it’s new to me, I think, ah, I think I really care about you. I can’t stop thinking about you.”

  I sat there, staring at him with wide eyes. Moments went by…

  “Will you say something?” he said.

  “I don’t know what to say.”

  “Do you think you could feel something for me? I mean, I know I’m a lot to take. I know that I’m…different. And I know I have the worst timing seeing as how you just told me…all of that. I wouldn’t be hurt if—well, I probably would be—but it’s okay if you don’t care about me. I realize that we both went into this for different reasons, and I just don’t know what to think now.”

  “You’re rambling,” I said. “Now will you let me talk?” He nodded. “It doesn’t matter what I feel; we could never be together. You’re Nathan Bradley, Hollywood movie star. I’m your therapist from Podunk, Nowhere. We could never make something like that work.”

  “I didn’t ask for your analysis of the situation. I asked how you felt.”

  “I do care about you.”

  “As a patient? You care about me as a patient, right?”

  “Yes, and as a man. You make me feel like myself again. You make me feel safe. I don’t know what those feelings add up to, but I know I feel more for you than what I would like.”

  He smiled. “You should feel safe with me, and you should be yourself with me. I feel more myself with you than I have since I left home in Idaho. I can’t explain it, and I don’t even feel like I need to. It just feels good.

  “As for the analysis that I’m sure you’re obsessing about in your beautiful head right now, I don’t care about any of those things. I don’t care that I’m Hollywood and you’re Georgia. I care that you took a chance on me. No one has done that in a really long time, Ella. And this place, Vestige, I love it here.” He laughed. “Vestige, very clever. You’re adorably clever.” I smiled because Vestige, by definition, meant disappearing. I had disappeared, yet I’d remained.

  “Ella, you’re smart; you’re beautiful, and you accept me. How could I not have feelings for you?”

  I smiled at him. It felt good to be wanted.

  “So can I stay?”

  “How can I say no after that?” I joked. He pulled me into his arms and just held me.

  “Even if you decide that you don’t have feelings for me, even if you can’t…please let me have this feeling while I’m staying here. I don’t know if it’s, you know, love, but it feels good,” he whispered.

  Love?

  Chapter 9

  He held me all night. I don’t know if he even slept, but I did. He didn’t bother to rush back up to the clinical building when he got up. Instead, he made himself at home in my kitchen and woke me with breakfast in bed.

  “I’m going to have to t
ell Mrs. Faulkner today,” I told him. “She’ll be disappointed, but she deserves to know.”

  “You don’t have to do that for me.”

  “I’m doing it for all of us. I don’t think this program is right for you, yet you’re stuck here. We have feelings for each other, and I don’t want to hide.” A smile lit up on his face that touched his eyes. He looked like he did when he was riding Fierce. He looked happy.

  “Let me treat those cuts. Some of them look deep,” I said, noticing the marks I had made on his skin.

  “Please,” he laughed. “It’s nothing.” I guess, to him, it was nothing since he was used to being…I cringed a little at the thought of him needing to be beaten. I would never do that for him. How would he handle those urges?

  “Can I ask you something?”

  “Anything,” he said.

  “What happens when you feel the urge to dominate or be, you know, beaten?”

  His demeanor noticeably shifted. “I haven’t thought about it.” He lied. I knew I couldn’t read him as well as he could read me, but I knew a blatant lie when I saw one.

  I considered my words for a moment. “You’re lying,” I said. He would and had said the same thing to me.

  He looked at me sharply but didn’t deny it. “I’m hoping that whatever this need is –this need to be with you—will be more powerful than my need to be dominant or to feed the monster. I haven’t felt the need to hurt since we slept together. I haven’t felt the need to use drugs either.”

  “Don’t ask me to beat you because I won’t,” I said definitively. I didn’t want there to be any confusion.

  “I won’t,” he said. “Now let’s eat.” He smiled as though I hadn’t told him that horrific story. His smile was warm enough to make me forget too, for now at least.

  “Why do you do this?” he asked as we were walking up to the clinical building.

  “Do what?”

  “Work for free. You could make a lot of money doing what you do.”

  “I already have a lot of money.” I shrugged. He slipped his hand in mine, intertwining our fingers, then brought my hand to his lips, placing a kiss there.