Love Ignited (Hollywood Series Book 2) Read online

  “So you’re sending me back to LA then?”

  “It’s not that simple,” I told him. “I can’t release you early. You have to spend the full ninety days here. That was the deal I made with the judge. There’s nothing I can do about that. I’m sorry.”

  “I understand.” He almost looked relieved. I had never gotten that reaction before.

  “I will lighten your cleansing room duties, though. I believe you when you say you aren’t a drug addict. I can’t, however, drop our sessions. You need therapy, and even if you didn’t, I’m required to provide it. I’ll give you a week off.”

  I walked out to the golf cart. When I turned my lights on, I saw him standing in front of me. “I don’t need a week off.”

  “Maybe I do,” I said as I drove around him. A thought occurred to me, and I stopped. “If you feel the need to, um, have a guest, have Mrs. Faulkner get in touch with me. Just so we’re clear, I’m asking you not to bring anyone else here. Okay?”

  “Yeah,” he said half-heartedly. I hoped he would keep his word. Having strangers come here to beat him would undermine any progress he’d made, not that he’d made any. Having strangers here period wasn’t something I was comfortable with, not as long as he was out there.

  Chapter 6

  It only took two days for me to question my decision not to see Nathan in my office or outside of it. Two minutes, if I was being honest with myself. After two days of not seeing him, I was pacing the house.

  I decided to do the next best thing to seeing him in person. I popped in my favorite Nathan Bradley movie and curled up with some popcorn. He had been at the height of his career when he made the war film. His character was complex yet loving to his wife. In the beginning of the movie, he’d even made love to her before he left to serve his country. The scene was gentle and caring. I didn’t see the Nathan I knew but a loving man. Now that I did know him, I saw what a great actor he really was to be able to portray such a character.

  I rewound the short, tastefully done scene and watched it again, wondering how he could possibly have captured the essence of such an intimate act when he’d never actually experienced it. He made me believe that he loved the woman, that he was making love to her.

  If he could fake it, he could do it…right? It was a plausible theory.

  My phone rang, breaking me from my reverie. “Hello.”

  “Ella, we have a bit of a situation with Mr. Bradley.”

  “What’s that?” I asked nervously. Had he left? Did he want to leave?

  “He has insisted that I call you. I wouldn’t have bothered you, but he’s being difficult. He said that you would know the relevance of the call.”

  “Oh” was all I managed. I quite vividly remembered telling him to call me if he felt the need to “have a guest.” I had hoped he wouldn’t.

  “Are you there?”

  “Um, yeah, yes, sorry. Tell him that I will be right there. Have him meet me in my office.”

  I hung up the phone and jogged toward the golf cart. I had no earthly idea how I was going to handle this.

  When I walked into my office, I found a very disheveled Nathan. He leapt up from the couch when I opened the door. His hair was a mess, and he hadn’t shaved since I’d seen him two days before.

  “Nathan, what’s the issue?”

  “I can’t do this.” He dropped back on the couch, and his knee started bouncing. Now he looked like he was having withdrawals, even though I knew he wasn’t.

  “Can’t do what exactly?”

  “I can’t just sit up here and think. I need to…” he trailed.

  “What do you need? Tell me.”

  “I need to have a guest. May I please have a guest?” he asked, his voice straining.

  “No.”

  “I’m telling you that I’m having a guest,” he said.

  “No, you aren’t.”

  “If you won’t give me drugs to numb this, and you won’t do it yourself, then I have to have someone else do it. I’m sorry. You have no idea.” He shook his head. “It’s the only way.”

  “The only way to what?”

  “To get the hurt out! I can’t stand it!”

  “Nathan,” I squatted down in front of him. “This isn’t you. Where is the man who controls himself…who controls others?” I said timidly, just trying to bring him back from the edge of the meltdown he seemed to be having. He was completely different than the even-toned man whom I had spent the evening with a couple of days before. I only recognized this man as the man I found being whipped in the barn.

  “I know you can overcome this. I’ve seen how well controlled you can be. You’re so strong. You just have to fight this urge to hurt.”

  He didn’t say anything or even look at me. I reached out to him, taking his face in my hands. “Take control,” I said.

  A switch flipped at my touch. He grabbed my wrists and threw me on the floor. He was on top of me in an instant. His hands held my arms above my head. His eyes bore into mine.

  “Nathan, let me go,” I whispered. His grip only tightened. I wasn’t fearful, but I didn’t want a repeat of what had happened between us the other night either.

  “Let me go, Nathan,” I said again. His face softened, and he released my arms. He dropped his head into the crook of my neck and just lay there on top of me.

  I wrapped my arms around him. He pulled back to look at me, and suddenly his expression hardened again. “What did I say about licking your lips like that?” he asked.

  “I…I didn’t realize.” I didn’t even know I was doing it.

  “What did I tell you?”

  “This is not the time for games.” I spoke sternly.

  He stood and pulled me up with him, “When you do that, it makes me want to fuck you. And here you’ve got on shorts. I can’t even get to you. I told you I want you in a skirt. Did I not say that?”

  “Nathan, I’m not playing this game. Five minutes ago you were on the verge of a meltdown.”

  “You said to take control. This is me taking control. Bend over.”

  “No.”

  “No? No?” He tilted his head. “Should I teach you how to be respectful to your Dom?”

  “You aren’t my Dom, Nathan. Stop this.”

  His expression remained firm. “Tell me one thing…Are you wet for me?”

  “Nathan!”

  “Say you aren’t, and I’ll stop.”

  “No, I’m not,” I said with conviction.

  His eyes darkened. He ran his hand up my thigh, easily going between the fabric of my shorts to my underwear. I slapped his arm, but he didn’t stop. “You’re soaked. You love provoking me, don’t you?”

  “I said I’m not doing this.” I shoved him hard. He seemed to snap out of it. “Find an in-between,” I shouted. “You don’t have to dominate or be dominated, Nathan. Just be yourself!”

  “This is me, Ella! There is no in-between.”

  “There is. I’ve seen it!”

  “No.” He shook his head.

  “Yes,” I took his face in my hands again. “The other night in the barn, before you tied me up, you showed me something different. When you kissed me, you were different. I could feel it.”

  He seemed captivated for a moment but then pushed my hands away. “I don’t know what you think you felt but—”

  “I felt you, the real you.” My fingertips brushed my lips with the memory of his soft kiss. “You were gentle and warm, if only for a moment.”

  “Gentle and warm?” he said with sarcasm.

  “Being gentle doesn’t make you less of a man. In fact, it only made me want you more.” His eyes flickered with that same expression he’d worn then. “That right there.” I pointed. “What are you feeling right now?”

  “I feel exposed,” he said shakily.

  “It’s okay,” I said, stepping close to him.

  “I want to kiss you.”

  “Okay,” I nodded.

  “But I don’t usually…”

  �
��Nathan, just go with it,” I said, reaching for him. He pressed his lips to mine, just as soft as the first time he’d done it. After a few seconds, I licked his bottom lip, expecting him to open, but instead, he abruptly pulled back.

  “This isn’t me.”

  “What if it is?”

  “It’s not, Ella. Stop pushing me to be something I’m not,” he spat angrily.

  His words made me ache for him. I knew that if he would let go, he could be happy, but I had to let him work through this on his own. My pushing him was only pushing him away.

  Our shouts had reached farther than the walls of my office. I heard heavy footfalls coming down the hallway. Frank burst through the door without warning.

  “Is everything okay in here?”

  “Yes, Mr. Peters.”

  “I heard yelling.”

  “It’s an exercise,” I said. He nodded, gave Nathan a menacing look, and left.

  “Nathan, listen, you won’t be having any more guests while you’re here. I’m not asking you; I’m telling you. If you insist on continuing to punish yourself, then you’ll have to find a way to release that energy in a more productive manner. Go to the gym, go swimming, I don’t care, but don’t call me back up here for this.”

  “So that’s it? No more words of wisdom?”

  “That’s it. I think I’ve said what I have to say on this matter. I see you for who you are, even if you don’t. I see you,” I said again. “You have to find a way to see yourself.”

  “Will we have our session tomorrow?”

  I thought on it for a moment. “No.”

  “No?”

  “I would like to see you try out some of the amenities we offer here at Vestige. We will resume therapy next week as planned. In the meantime, I’m telling you that if you sneak someone in here again, you’re out.”

  “But you don’t want me to call you when I have these urges? You are my therapist, right?” He sounded insulted. A little pouty. More like my other patients. Almost entitled.

  “Yes, I’m your therapist, but sometimes, you just have to work through your own shit.”

  “Are you serious?” At that, I left. “You fucking suck at this!” I heard him yell.

  I felt guilty immediately, but I knew I was right. When we were together, he was all over the place emotionally. That was my fault. I had let things get physical. I was hoping, with a little direction and the right attitude, he could find a way to see what I saw in him. Or maybe I really did fucking suck at this.

  Another couple of days went by. No calls. I hoped that meant he was doing well. I found myself obsessing over it.

  “Maybe I should just go up and check on him,” I said to Ivan when it was getting dark out. He wagged his tail eagerly. “Traitor. You just want to go play with the horses. Go on then. Go play.” I opened the front door, but he just dropped his tail and lay down at my feet. “Don’t tell me you’re too lazy to walk up there.” He looked up at me without lifting his head. “Bum. Come on, let’s go. I’ll drive you.” He leapt up on the golf cart, tongue out, and tail wagging uncontrollably. “What a vicious dog,” I said, rolling my eyes.

  I could feign aggravation at driving Ivan up to the stables, but in truth, I was hoping to run into Nathan. Maybe Anna had him doing chores. I hadn’t asked her to give him any assignments, but she wasn’t accustomed to having a patient lazing around the facility either.

  When we pulled up, I felt butterflies come to life in my stomach at the possibility of him being inside. What would I say? What would he do?

  I stepped in the door, but I found myself all alone, aside from Ivan and the horses. Sparkle stuck her head out to look at us. She wasn’t quite herself, but at least now I knew why. Fierce and she were having a foal. They must’ve mated in the pasture during grazing hours. I nuzzled her and talked to her. She was a very good listener, much better than Ivan. If she weren’t so big, I think I would’ve kept her in the house.

  I glanced over at Fierce, who didn’t seem particularly interested in anything but getting out.

  “Do you want to go for a walk, boy?” I grabbed a saddle and went inside his stable. When I opened the door, I noticed he was already wearing a saddle. His mane had been combed, and it looked like he’d been bathed.

  Nathan.

  No one else on this property would have the balls to ride Fierce, much less bathe him. I removed his saddle, putting it away, and braided his mane so that if Nate came back, which I suspected he would since he’d left the saddle in place, he would know I had been there. I didn’t know why I wanted him to know, but I did. I needed him to. I was glad he’d found a healthy way to release some of his destructive energy, and I wanted him to know that I had taken notice.

  Ivan was simply lounging in the doorway of the stable, doing nothing, just like he would at the house. I couldn’t figure out his obsession with the horses. Maybe he just enjoyed the company of other animals.

  “Come on, Ivan, it’s getting late.” The stable was centrally located on the property. From the doorway, I could see the front gate, my house, and the treatment building all in the distance. I couldn’t help but look up toward the facility for Nathan when I walked back outside, but of course, he wasn’t there. It was for the best.

  I cooked myself a four-course meal for dinner, just trying to keep my hands busy. The grocer had delivered this morning, so I had everything I needed for my favorite meal. By the time I ate my salad and calamari, I was too full to enjoy my Parmesan chicken and crème brûlée.

  After a meal like that, I didn’t have any trouble falling asleep early.

  Ivan’s growl startled me awake some time later. I saw him standing beside the bed, lips curled back, teeth bared.

  “What is it?” I glanced around sleepily, almost missing the figure at the foot of the bed. I felt the panic rising. “It’s just a dream, Ella. It’s a dream. He isn’t here,” I repeated to myself as I started counting backward from ten.

  “I am here,” he said.

  All I could do was scream.

  Chapter 7

  Hysterical. I was screaming hysterically. Everything in me told me to run, but I was stuck.

  He was here. He’d found me.

  He launched himself on top of me, and my natural fight-or-flight mechanism kicked in, as did Ivan’s. I kicked, scratched, and bit while Ivan ripped him off of me onto the floor, giving me a chance to get away.

  He cried out Ivan’s name. He screamed mine. Ivan would kill him… He would rip out his throat, and it would be over. I wouldn’t have to run anymore.

  The thought gave me pause. I flipped the light switch on with shaking hands. I didn’t want to stop it. I just wanted to make sure it was done.

  I walked closer to the man who single-handedly instilled a fear inside me like no other. His feet jerked, but he no longer made a sound. Ivan had clamped down on his throat. He was helpless to escape.

  Did he think I would let him just walk in here and strip away everything I had…AGAIN? Did he think I wouldn’t be prepared?

  I stepped closer, if for no other reason than to watch the light go out of his eyes.

  “Nathan,” I yelped in dread. His eyes were wide, his hands hanging limply around Ivan’s neck. “Ivan, aus!” The dog released him immediately, looking to me for another command. I pushed him back, dropping to my knees.

  “Nathan, are you okay?” He coughed, rubbing his neck. “Are you bleeding? I’ll call an ambulance,” I told him in hysterics. I turned, but he grabbed my wrist.

  “I’m fine,” he ground out hoarsely. “I’m okay.”

  “Oh, thank God! Ivan would have killed you. What are you doing in here? Wait, how did you even get in here?” I blinked at him, pulling away.

  “I opened the gate,” he said nonchalantly. “What was that about, Ella? Didn’t you recognize my voice? What’s wrong with you?” He reached for me, but I was shaking uncontrollably…he opened the gate? All this time, I’d felt safe here, and Nathan had walked right through my security.
r />   “Ella…”

  “No,” I said, shaking my head. I couldn’t believe this. How? How could he walk through my gate? It was electrified all the way around aside from Ivan’s secret panel, but no one knew about that. No one knew the code either.

  “Elena!” Nathan shouted. “Tell me what’s wrong. Why are you freaking out?”

  “Don’t call me that! How did you get through my gate?”

  “I punched in the code.”

  “I never gave you the code. No one knows it.” I backed away from him farther. “Ivan,” I called to my canine protector, “guard.” The dog stepped up to Nathan, hovering over him, daring him to so much as sit up.

  “It’s a trick I learned, Ella. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

  “A trick?”

  “Yeah, it’s easy. I just fogged up the metal buttons like I would a mirror. The oil from your skin leaves marks on the keys. Since your code is 5252, it only took me a few tries to get the right combination of numbers to open it. I would’ve never come here had I known you would be so frightened.”

  “Frightened? Frightened!” I yelled. “Frightened doesn’t even begin to describe what I felt when I saw you!”

  He sat up and Ivan immediately began to growl viciously. “Could you call off the hound?”

  “Ivan, down,” I said. He was reluctant but obeyed as he’d been trained. He didn’t take his eyes off of Nathan though.

  Nathan sat up and pulled me into his lap, “You’re shaking. Talk to me.”

  “I can’t…”

  “Please, I don’t understand. Is this because of the dominant stuff? Are you scared of me?”

  “No, it’s not you.”

  “I understand how waking up to a man at your bedside would be scary but I was talking to you the whole time and you seemed completely disconnected.”

  “I didn’t hear you.”

  “Clearly,” he said. “Why do you feel the need to have all of this security, anyway? It seems a little extreme. Who are you afraid of?”

  “I can’t, okay? I asked you not to come here. Why did you?”

  He dropped his head in my hair. “I had to see you.”