Love Ignited (Hollywood Series Book 2) Page 12

  I realized that this was all just a fantasy and that, as soon as he completed his sentence, he would be gone. I knew that I was living every teenage girl’s dream by sleeping with my celebrity crush. I got all of that, I really did, but again, all of those doubts and worries flew away when I was with him. Even the part of me that felt like a prostitute, for giving him my body in exchange for his story, because I knew it wasn’t right. I knew what I was doing was wrong, but it felt so right when we were together.

  In fact, when we were together, it didn’t feel like he was a celebrity or I was his therapist. It felt like he was just a boy and I was just a girl. What had started out as my letting him touch me to get his story had really turned into something entirely different…to me at least. Especially after we’d had sex.

  I couldn’t call what we had done “making love” because we weren’t in love, but it was as close as he’d ever come to it, and it was as close as I had come to it since the incident.

  I took Fierce and Sparkle out to the pasture to let them graze for the rest of the afternoon then floated back down to my house on a cloud. My high came to a complete halt when I reached the gate. I stared at the metal keys on the keypad in contempt.

  I leaned down and blew a warm moist breath onto the keys. Sure enough, I could see how Nathan had gotten in. As soon as I was inside, I dialed Lenny at the security company. He was a friend of Judge Macon, so he was to be trusted. His expertise was actually why I’d chosen this location to build my home and business. Judge Macon had suggested that, wherever I went, Lenny would be the one to make sure my new home was secure. Upon doing research on the town, I had decided to start over here.

  When I got Lenny on the line, we discussed the different options available and decided on a fingerprint entry system. I also told him to electrify the outer fence since it had been so easily breached by Nathan’s “guest.” Lenny promised to make me a priority. He said he could get the supplies for both jobs by next week. Until then, I had to rely on ole faithful.

  “I love you, Ivan.” The dog barked, nuzzling into me. “Thank you, for being there for me. I don’t know what I would do without you.”

  People said that dogs didn’t understand everything we said, but I begged to differ. Ivan might not understand the words, but we had connected on an emotional level. He knew when I needed to be nuzzled or when I needed to be left alone. He never actually left me “alone” unless I was at work, but he did give me space. He was the best friend I had ever had.

  I was having a glass of wine before bed when there was a buzz at my gate. I knew it was him. He could’ve walked in, but he was respecting my boundaries…to a degree. I wished there were somewhere else for us to be together, but my house was the only place that was completely private.

  “Yes,” I called out, just in case it was Frank or Anna.

  “Open up for me, babe.” His seductive tone suggested his words had a double meaning. I was just fine with that.

  I had just showered, having enjoyed Nathan’s scent on me all day. I was excited for him to dirty me up again.

  I buzzed him in the gate and straightened myself before I opened the front door. He didn’t even seem to look at me before his kiss was on me. I scrambled to close the door as he devoured me.

  “I’ve been waiting to do that all afternoon,” he said, cupping my cheek. “I love kissing you. It’s such a foreign sensation to me, kissing. But with you, I can’t seem to get enough.”

  “You don’t kiss your girlfriends?”

  He laughed. “First of all, I don’t have girlfriends. Secondly, rarely. If they need to be kissed, I oblige, but that’s not often.”

  “They?”

  “Subs, ah, submissives, the women who come to me for dominance.”

  He spoke about the plurality of it so casually that it made me feel icky. “How many subs do you have?”

  “One, well, none now, but I did have one.”

  “Only one?”

  “I’m sorry, I meant one at a time. Like I told you before, I don’t share partners.”

  “How does that whole thing work exactly?”

  “Nothing like this.” He laughed, motioning between us. “It’s more of a business transaction. Subs seek out Doms and vice versa. There’s an initial meet and greet, usually at a neutral location like a restaurant or bar. We talk about our interests, our soft limits, hard limits, and decide if we’re a match. If so, physicals are done on both parties. When the reports come in, we set up a session. There’s no seduction or romance. It’s just about sexual needs being met.”

  I was stupefied. I had read up on bondage and domination when he’d first brought it up. I understood the terminology, but I hadn’t realized it was so business-like.

  “How many, um, subs have you had?” I asked timidly.

  “Over the years, I’ve had about forty, give or take.”

  “You’ve had sex with forty women?”

  “I didn’t have intercourse with all of them, but yes, most of them, one way or another.” I dropped my eyes to the floor just trying to process. That was a lot.

  “Why? How many partners have you had?” he said casually, as though forty sexual partners was average.

  My gaze wandered back up to his. “Hmm, well counting you…” I ticked off on my fingers to make a dramatic scene. “Four.”

  He rubbed his forehead, clearly horrified with his admission. “Four? You’ve only had sex with four men?” I nodded. “I can’t imagine what you must be thinking of me right now.”

  “I don’t know what to think. I suspected that you’d been with a lot of women, since you’re famous, but I hadn’t really put a number on it.”

  “Ella”—he paused—“I don’t even know what to say.”

  I took his hand. “Sure, I’m a little taken aback, but the past is the past. You can’t change yours, any more than I can change mine. My number should only be three, but you know, we all make mistakes,” I said, thinking of Jackhammer Joe, and let out a little laugh to lighten the mood.

  “How can you look at me the way you do knowing what you know about me? I’m not just talking about my number, I mean everything. How can you want me?” he asked so sincerely.

  “How can I not?” I said simply with a shrug. With that, he was on me again. He moved so fast that I had to pause to send Ivan away before he attacked him again.

  Nathan was everywhere; he was all over me. We were way too close to him being inside me when I remembered I didn’t have another condom. I had meant to go pick some up today, but I hadn’t even bothered to get my car from the shop.

  “Nathan, I don’t have another condom.”

  “Oh,” he paused his movements. “Are you healthy?”

  I stared at him dumbly for a moment. “Yeah, but…”

  “I trust you. Surely you have lab work on me so you know I am.”

  I did, but for all he knew, I could be lying. I could be the whore of the south. “Is this how your ‘business transactions’ usually go down?”

  “No, never. But like I said, what we’re doing is nothing like that. I’ve never trusted anyone like I trust you.”

  “Wow,” I said, grabbing the throw from the back of the couch to cover myself since he’d already stripped me. “You’ve let women beat you and you trust me more than them?” His face dropped immediately, and I knew I had said the wrong thing. “I shouldn’t have said that. I’m sorry.”

  “No, you shouldn’t have said that, but it’s okay because it’s true. The women who have, ah, disciplined me…I didn’t let them dominate me completely. I told them what I needed, and they complied. There’s a difference.

  “The relationship between a Dominant and submissive is something that requires a great level of trust on the sub’s part. They set initial limits, but for the most part, a sub gives themselves over to their Dom, completely. Mine do anyway. But what I have shared with you…that took more trust than I’ve ever given anyone.” His stare was intense.

  I couldn’t help but wo
nder, “Did you enjoy…were you satisfied by what we did last night?”

  “I admit that it was very different, but yes, I was. Were you? Was it good for you?” he asked timidly. “I’ve been wondering all day. I mean I could try something else if…”

  “It was great,” I told him.

  “Yeah?”

  “Yes, you were perfect.”

  “I think you are the perfect one,” he said.

  I felt a huge grin break across my face. “So you’re done with domination then?”

  He opened his mouth to speak but snapped it closed again. He looked away from me. “Ella, it doesn’t work that way. I can’t just flip a switch and change who I am.”

  “I just thought since, you know, we…”

  He pulled me close. “I love being with you. I like your way, but I need my way too.”

  “So I guess we’re at an impasse already then.” I snuggled into him, not wanting to let him go.

  “It doesn’t have to be. Surely we can find a way to meet in the middle.”

  “Meet in the middle…” I repeated in a whisper.

  “A little of your way, a little of mine.”

  “I don’t want you to hurt me,” I told him, remembering that night in the stable. He had humiliated me.

  “I would never hurt you.”

  “You did, that night in the stable.”

  “I told you that was not like me at all. I’ve never reacted that way.”

  “Still, I don’t want to be tied up and humiliated.”

  “Ella, I promise you; it won’t be like that. Can you try? I won’t tie you up anymore.”

  “I just don’t think—”

  “I need this from you,” he interrupted. His eyes were pleading. Before I could even think about it, I felt my head bob up and down slowly. I didn’t know what kind of control he had over me, but it was something. I had broken all the rules for him.

  He was on me again, pressing me into the couch. The way he knew my body it was as though he’d been touching me for years. Even if his grip was too tight in one spot, his hand was caressing in another.

  “Nate, wait.” I pushed him back. “No condom, no sex. I’m sorry.”

  “Babe, I don’t have to be inside you to give you an orgasm, remember?” He smirked and lifted my legs over his shoulders. He licked me from my center all the way up. “Does she like it here?” He pressed his tongue inside of me. “Or does she like it here?” He flicked my nub. I fisted his hair, pushing him farther into me. “Winner,” he whispered against me with a laugh.

  He wasn’t as forthcoming as he had been the night before. He made it last, bringing me to the edge over and over. After he had me begging, he lifted up to look as he slipped his fingers deep inside. “You’re so sexy.”

  I was so desperate that I reached down to touch myself. He bit my hand. “Not yet.” He curled his finger inside of me, and my head fell back. “You like that, don’t you?” He did it again. “Answer me, or I won’t touch you again tonight.”

  “I love it,” I said quickly.

  He gave me a satisfied smile. “Touch your nipples, my hands are busy.” I complied happily. “Rub them softly with your fingertips. I plan to come on them in a bit.”

  His words made me clench, not a full orgasm but close. “You like the thought of me coming on your tits, don’t you?”

  “I like the thought of making you come,” I said.

  “I really want to fuck you right now. It’s taking all my restraint not to—”

  “Fuck me,” I was too caught up. I didn’t have to ask twice. He was inside me before I could give it a second thought.

  “Oh my,” he moaned. “I just thought you felt good yesterday. Fuck!”

  I was thinking the same thing. The way he felt inside of me now made yesterday seem like a distant memory.

  “Touch yourself,” he commanded. “I want to watch you come.”

  Yes, sir! It took only the slight caress of my fingertip to send me over the edge. As soon as I started to climax, he thrust deeper, intensifying my orgasm. I was crying out, and he was loving it. When I opened my eyes, he was staring at me.

  He kissed me, not bothering to slow his pace. He touched my clit again, and I shattered around him a second time.

  “You’re making this hard for me, Ella,” he moaned.

  “Hard? I’ve come twice in a row. How much easier can I make it?”

  “I can’t hold back with you. You do something to me.”

  Oh…Oh! I came to my senses quick. “Pull out!” Just as I got the words out, he did. He ran his hand up and down his shaft, but I slid down and caught him in my mouth. As sexy as it was to watch him touch himself, I wanted to make him come. I wanted to give him that pleasure.

  When I had taken all he had, he collapsed. I followed suit, falling on top of him.

  “That was really intense,” I said. I was concerned that maybe he didn’t pull out fast enough or… “That was super irresponsible of me.”

  “Shhh, just let me enjoy this for a few more minutes before you analyze it.” I could hear the smile in his voice.

  I shook my head against his abs. “Ass.”

  “Porn star,” he retorted. I looked up at him sharply. “What? You’re like my own personal porn star. That little cum-catching move. Wow, that was hot. You’re the sexiest woman I’ve ever laid eyes on.”

  I snorted. “I doubt that.”

  “Never doubt me.” I relaxed my head back against him with a small smile. The man hadn’t lied to me yet.

  We lay there for a while just holding each other. “This is nice,” he said, breaking the silence.

  I squeezed his waist to let him know that I was enjoying it too. “May I analyze now?”

  “If you must.”

  “I’m not on birth control.”

  “What? What do you mean you aren’t on birth control? I thought you said you were planning to see your friend or whatever?”

  “Yeah, with a condom. I also said I haven’t had sex in two years, remember that?”

  “Shit,”

  “Well, you pulled out, right?”

  “Yes, I did, but we aren’t teenagers. We know that’s not a means of contraception. Would you please remedy this tomorrow?”

  “Remedy what?” I stared at him.

  “Go get put on birth control. My girls are always on birth control.”

  My jaw dropped at his comment. I was off of him in one swift movement, wrapping myself in a blanket. “I am not one of your ‘girls.’”

  “I didn’t mean it like that.”

  “You should go.”

  “Ella…”

  “Please go.” I felt stupid for feeling like anything more than just another “sub” to him. Humiliated yet again.

  “I’m not leaving. I know you get off on this tug-of-war type of behavior, but I don’t.”

  “Excuse me?”

  “Whatever this game is. I don’t know. You want to kick me out so I can come right back? That’s ridiculous. You know I’m not…”

  “Finished with me yet? Is that what you were going to say?” He looked remorseful. “Just say it, you horse’s ass! You aren’t finished with me yet?”

  “I’m not prepared to let you go. That’s what I was going to say.”

  “That’s the same thing. I’m the only woman within a thirty-mile radius, so I guess it makes sense. Gah, I’m so stupid!” I ranted more to myself than him.

  “Stop it, Ella. You aren’t stupid. What you’re implying and what I’m saying aren’t the same thing.” He got up to face me. “I feel something.” He looked down for a moment then back up at me. “Something, I don’t know what, but I feel something. You make me feel something more. I’m not going to toy with it or treat it like it’s a game. Either you want me or you don’t, but if you want me, then don’t push me away every time I say something wrong. Can’t you see that I’m trying? I’m trying to be better. I’m trying so fucking hard to be deserving of you.”

  His words were si
ncere and heartwarming. He was trying. I had pushed him away that night in the stables, but he’d come back for me. He’d stepped out of his comfort zone to give me what I needed.

  “That’s twice you’ve made me feel like a whore. There won’t be a third,” I told him.

  “There won’t, I promise.” He lifted my hand to his lips. “You are important to me, Ella. I’m sorry if I’ve made you feel like you aren’t. I never, ever, meant to make you feel like less than the magnificent woman that you are.”

  I let him pull me into a hug. He held me there for a long moment. “Do you”—he cleared his throat—“do you feel something for me?”

  “I don’t know,” I told him. He nodded into my hair. Maybe since he wasn’t looking at my face, he wouldn’t know that I was lying.

  Chapter 8

  We laid on the couch until my eyelids were heavy. “Nate, you have to go.”

  “Why? Let’s go up to bed.”

  “You can’t sleep here. Mrs. Faulkner needs to see you come out of your room in the morning.”

  “She will.”

  “I’m really not comfortable with you sleeping here.”

  “Oh,” It stung. I could see it on his face.

  “But I guess we’re trying new things together every day, aren’t we?” I said because I hated seeing rejection in his eyes. He smiled gratefully. “You have to get up early and get back to your room though.”

  “Yes, ma’am. Come on, let’s get you up to bed, beautiful.” He swept me up in his arms and carried me up the stairs. I couldn’t help but nuzzle into his broad chest. I hadn’t been so close to a man in years.

  Shockingly, it was only a little after eleven. It felt like two in the morning.

  Nate climbed into bed after he laid me down and pulled me into him.

  “So you’ve done this before? Snuggle, I mean.”

  “Yes,” he said simply. “Just because I’ve never made love to a woman the way you think of making love doesn’t mean that I haven’t taken care of a woman’s needs. If a sub needed to be held after a session, I would do that for her.”