Love Ignited (Hollywood Series Book 2) Page 15

  “What was that for?” I giggled.

  “It’s just…you’re a really good person.”

  I laughed. “Not that good.”

  “You really are. Genuine kindness isn’t something I’ve come across often.”

  He was being so kind, but still, the subject made me wonder. “Can I ask you something?” He nodded. “Why did you rob that guy?” He dropped my hand immediately and froze mid-step.

  “How did you know about that?”

  “Surely you would assume that I read your file. Nate, I’ve seen celebrities do a lot of crazy things, but armed robbery? It just doesn’t make sense. I mean, you’re famous. You’re wealthy. Were you trying to get in trouble?”

  He ran his hand through his hair. “I’m not.”

  “You’re not what?”

  “Rich. I used to be, but I spent it all.” I tried to hide my surprise. “It’s not what you think. I didn’t blow it on drugs. I tried to produce a movie. I actually did produce it, but it never made it out of the can. It turns out that it’s pretty expensive to make a movie.

  “Anyway, so yeah, I lost my house, my car, even my dog left me.” He laughed.

  I blinked several times, not knowing what to say.

  “I did rob that guy. I stole his wallet and his car. I was fucked up and thought it would be fun. There weren’t any bullets in the gun but still. I know it was wrong. I hate that those cops got hurt. I didn’t mean for that to happen. I really didn’t mean for any of it to happen. I was just out of control; you know?”

  “Well, look at the bright side, you could always write country music.” I smiled.

  “So you don’t hate me?”

  “I’m not going to hate you, so you can just get that out of your head.”

  “I just don’t understand how you can be so neutral. You aren’t even judging…”

  “I’m a therapist, remember?” I laughed.

  “No, it’s more than that. I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone like you before Ella Lindsey…or Ella whatever your name is. You’re special.”

  “Yeah, yeah, you’re already getting the milk for free, cowboy.”

  “I hate country music.” He laughed, lifting me and spinning me around. “So no cowboy, thank you very much.”

  We took the long route up to the facility. Nate pulled me in for a long, soft kiss behind the barn in the orchard.

  I had to break it. I didn’t want Anna to worry again. We were already late as it was. Plus, I didn’t want her to find out about us like this. I wanted to show her the respect of telling her.

  “What would you say if I told you that every minute I spend with you makes me feel like a different man?”

  “I would say that I’m a very lucky woman,” I said, wondering what made me so different than the other forty or so women that he’d encountered. “Come on, we have to get going.” He grunted but let me drag him along.

  As we neared the building I let go of his hand. His brows furrowed, and he snatched my hand back up. “Nate, I think it’s better if we don’t flaunt it.” He gave a reluctant nod and released me.

  When we walked in, Mrs. Faulkner was standing in the same spot she had been in a couple of days before with that worried look on her face. I was only an hour or so late checking in. That wasn’t highly unusual, but I guessed after what I’d put her through the other day, her behavior was justified.

  “Where did you find him?” she asked angrily. “I don’t know how he keeps slipping by me, but it’s going to stop.”

  Nate looked at me, seemingly expecting me to come to his defense, but instead, I turned to Anna and said, “Mrs. Faulkner, may I speak with you in private?” She gave a curt nod, shooting Nathan another hateful look.

  “No,” Nate interrupted.

  “Excuse me, young man?” she said. “You don’t call the shots around here.”

  “Mrs. Faulkner, please,” I said.

  “We’ll talk to her together. You shouldn’t have to do it alone,” Nathan said.

  At that, Mrs. Faulkner’s expression shifted from angry to horrified. She went pale. “Don’t tell me…Ella,” she said in that motherly tone. “Don’t even say what I think you’re about to say.”

  “Anna,”

  “No,” she waved her hand at me dismissively.

  “Anna, please, I care about him.”

  “Have you lost your mind? Seriously, have you? Are you willing to throw away everything you’ve…we’ve built for this guy? The man who walked in here and called you a prostitute? He’s your patient. You’ll lose your license, Ella! Then what? Shame on you both!” I hung my head. “And what’s more, he’s an addict! He is just using you. He will screw you over as sure as—”

  “I love her,” Nate interrupted. “I’m falling in love with her, ma’am.” I looked at him in shock. “I don’t know if she loves me, but I’ve never felt this way before.”

  She laughed. “Ella, this is classic transference. Snap out of it.”

  “Transference,” I whispered. The thought struck me like lightning. I managed to get myself into a chair before my knees gave out. “What have I done?”

  Nate was by my side in a second. “Babe, whatever she’s saying, it doesn’t matter. I know how you make me feel. I’ve never said this to a woman before, but I think I love you. Look at me, I’m telling you the truth. If you’ll just look at me, you’ll know. You’ll see that I’m being honest.”

  “Transference,” I said again, letting my head fall into my hands.

  “Would somebody tell me what the fuck that means?”

  “Tell him, Ella. Tell him why he feels what he feels,” Anna said victoriously.

  I couldn’t even look at him. “Transference means…well, in a nutshell, I would say that I have royally fucked up from a professional standpoint.”

  “How? I don’t understand. I thought we were past this.”

  “You shouldn’t have feelings for your therapist, Nate. When a patient falls for their therapist, it’s called transference. According to Freud, transference occurs because of a lack of love, nurture, support, empathy, or acceptance on the patient’s part. When the therapist fills one or all of those voids, the patient feels emotionally connected to them.”

  “No way…that’s not a thing,” he said, shaking his head. “Wait, so are you implying that whatever I’m feeling for you isn’t real?”

  “I’m not implying it.” I looked away because it actually hurt my feelings to tell him this. “I’m saying it straight out. I took several classes on it. I’ve just never experienced it until now.”

  “Why are you just now saying this? Why didn’t you say something earlier when I told you how I felt?”

  I had to push back my own emotions. “It hadn’t even occurred to me. I guess I just got so caught up in you…”

  “I’m caught up in you too.”

  “No, I mean I’m personally too entangled in what I feel for you to even think like a psychiatrist. I really do have feelings for you. I care about you.”

  “I care about you too,” he repeated.

  “No, you only think you love me because”—my voice cracked with emotion—“because I’ve helped you break whatever destructive cycle began when your parents left you. After what happened with your sister, you felt broken, and then your parents couldn’t accept you. They abandoned you. I filled those voids in your life.”

  “No,” he shook his head. I know what I feel. I’ve never felt this way before.”

  “I’m so sorry, Nathan…”

  “Don’t say that,” he ran his hand through his hair anxiously. “Don’t say that like we can’t be together.”

  “We can’t. I’ve failed you as a therapist. I can’t work with you anymore. I’m sorry.”

  “That’s not acceptable, Ella.”

  I wiped a tear from my face, trying to tune him out. “Mrs. Faulkner, get Judge Macon on the line for me.”

  She balked. “Ella, if you tell him, your career is over.”

  “It’s
already over, but I won’t take Mr. Bradley down with me.”

  “Ella, what the fuck is happening right now? Just stop and talk to me, please,” Nathan pleaded.

  “I’m going to confess everything to the judge. When I do, my license will be suspended pending an investigation, so you’ll likely be placed with someone else or put back on house arrest. I promise I won’t let them put you in jail. I will take care of this. It’s my fault.”

  “I don’t care about that! Please don’t do this, Ella.” He cupped my face. “Please. Just a few minutes ago I was kissing you in the orchard. You trusted me enough to tell me your story; trust me now. Don’t do this.”

  “You did what?” Anna yelled loud enough for her voice to echo through the building. “What did you tell him?”

  “I told him everything.”

  “No,” she said. “How could you do that? After everything I’ve done for you. After everything Richard Macon has done to keep us safe? How could you?”

  “I would never tell anyone,” Nathan said. “I would never do anything to put her in danger because I love her!”

  “Shut up!” she shouted at him. “Ella, I feel like I don’t even know you right now.”

  “I’m sorry” was all I could say. I couldn’t take it back. I could only try to repair what I had done. “I can make this right. Get the judge on the phone.”

  “No, Ella. I don’t work for you anymore.”

  “Anna, please! I’m sorry. Please, don’t leave.” I didn’t know what I would do without her. She had been my rock.

  “I am leaving,” she said, “but as angry as I am with you, I can’t leave you. You’ll come with me. We’ll start over. As for you, Mr. Bradley, you’ll stay here with Frank until we are far away, do you understand?”

  “No. You two are both crazy! You’re going to uproot and leave just because she told me about that psycho stalker who has probably fixated on someone else by now? Think about what you’re saying,” he said, his voice straining.

  I did think about his point. “Anna, he’s right. We can’t keep running. If he were going to find us, he would’ve done it by now. I think we can fix this.”

  Her eyes glistened with unshed tears. “How?”

  “I have to call Judge Macon. I have to get Nathan to a better treatment facility.”

  “No,” they both shouted in unison, for very different reasons.

  “I’m not going to let you ruin your career for him, Ella,” Anna said.

  “I have to.” I didn’t give them a chance to talk me out of it. I ran up to my office and locked the door before dialing Richard Macon.

  “Richard, it’s Ella. I have a situation.”

  “Has he made contact?” His voice was frantic, “I will have the FBI there as fast as I can. Have you seen him? Where are you? Where is Anna?”

  “No, it's nothing like that. This isn’t about Phillip Rhodes.”

  “Don’t do that to me,” he said, relief flooding his tone. “My word, Ella, give an old man a break!”

  “I’m sorry. It’s just…I have an issue with Mr. Bradley. He needs to be relocated immediately.”

  “We’ve already discussed this.”

  “I know,” I interrupted. “But he has transference. He, um, he thinks he’s in love with me.”

  “Well, you’re a brilliant psychiatrist. I feel confident in your ability to handle it.”

  “I slept with him,” I blurted out. Silence. “Judge, ah, Richard, I slept with Nathan. I messed up. But here’s the thing: He isn’t a drug addict. He does have issues that need to be addressed but—”

  “Stop,” he said. “I don’t want to hear any more.”

  “I know my license will be suspended. I understand that you have to do what’s right. That’s why I called. I have to do what’s right too.”

  “Not another word, Ella.”

  “Richard, he needs our help! You said so yourself.”

  “You need my help. You are my primary concern, not Nathan Bradley. If I would have known this would happen, I would’ve sent him on to prison. I won’t trade your well-being for his, Ella.”

  “I have feelings for him,” I whispered. “I know how disappointed you must be, but it’s true. He isn’t an addict, but he needs professional guidance though to work through his issues. I think with the proper counseling, he could be—”

  “I said I don’t want to hear another word about it. I’m hanging up. Work this out, Ella. Make it right. This conversation never happened. Take care of yourself.” Click.

  I stood there, staring at the phone in contempt. After I tried his number again, I sat down in my chair and cried.

  I spent an hour thinking about how foolish I had been, about how I should’ve recognized Nathan’s behavior as transference from the very beginning.

  I considered calling the psychiatric board and tattling on myself, but I would’ve been confessing to so much more than just this breach. I would’ve taken Judge Macon down with me for providing me with patients under a false identity. I couldn’t do that.

  Richard had refused to go through the proper channels to set up my identity during my licensure process because he’d feared that would be the first place Phillip would look. He’d falsified enough information to get me licensed under my new identity without having to tell anyone the truth.

  Richard also set up a dummy practice under my real name in Arizona just to try to lure Phillip in, but it hadn’t worked.

  No, I couldn’t hurt Richard after everything he had done for me.

  When I walked out of my office, Anna was sitting in the area at the top of the stairs.

  “Well?” she said. “What did he say?”

  “Nothing. He told me to handle it. He said he wouldn’t have a hand in any of this.”

  “Good for him.” I wanted to get pissed at her, but I couldn’t.

  “Where’s Nathan?”

  “In his room.” I started that way. “Ella, leave him be.”

  “I can’t do that. I have to try,” I told her. I walked in Nate’s room without knocking. He was lying on his bed, staring at the ceiling with his hands laced behind his head.

  “Are you okay?” I asked him. He didn’t look at me. He just stared at the ceiling. “Nathan,”

  “I’m fine,” he said coolly. “What’s the plan? Where are you sending me?”

  “Nowhere right now. Judge Macon wouldn’t hear me out. I’m really sorry.”

  “Stop saying that.” He sat up so fast it startled me. “I don’t have transfer issues or whatever you were saying. I have feelings for you.”

  “No, you don’t.”

  “Don’t tell me how I feel! I’ve changed. Can’t you see that? I’ve changed because of my feelings for you.”

  I almost cried but held it together, “You’ve changed because you’ve latched on to me. There’s a difference. You should be able to change without having to fall in love with me.”

  “Tell me this: if we hadn’t had sex, would you still think I had transfer…”

  “Transference,” I said.

  “Whatever! Would you still think that’s what this is?”

  “Yes.”

  “Why can’t you just believe in me?”

  I stared into his brown eyes. I wanted to believe him. He had no idea how much I wanted to believe it. “Again, I’m really sorry, Nathan. Please try to enjoy the rest of your stay here.”

  “Are you fucking kidding me? We aren’t even going to have therapy?”

  “No. I will set you up with someone in LA when you get home, but I can’t treat you under the circumstances.”

  “This is bullshit!”

  A little light bulb went off in my mind. “If it is bullshit, then I guess you’re cured.”

  “What?”

  I decided to use reverse psychology to deduce the truth. Only time would tell, but I had to know for sure whether or not Nate was suffering from transference.

  “If what you feel is real, then you won’t need to ‘feed the monster�
� anymore because that means that your loss of urge to do that has nothing to do with me.”

  He rolled his eyes. “It has everything to do with you. It has to do with my feelings for you.”

  “Like I said, transference.” I turned to walk out.

  “Wait! So if I refrain, then you’ll have me?”

  I almost melted at the desperation in his voice. “Have you as what?”

  “I don’t know. Something more than a patient. A friend? A lover?”

  “No, Nathan, we can’t be lovers. We never should’ve been.”

  “How can you say that? After everything, I just don’t understand how you can forget.”

  “I will never forget.” I felt the tears spilling over so I left his room, closing the door behind me.

  Anna was there. Her disapproving expression faded when she saw that I was crying. “Oh, sweetie,” she said pulling me into her arms. “I’m sorry that I didn’t see this sooner. I shouldn’t have been so hard on you. I’m so sorry.”

  I nodded into her shoulder, letting her hold me up. “I don’t know what I was thinking, Anna. I’m sorry I broke your trust. It won’t happen again.” I wiped my face and straightened myself. “Suspend his phone privileges. He’s to have no contact with the outside world until he leaves, and I want eyes on him at all times. Tell Frank that I will double his salary to keep an eye on him.” She nodded. “He’ll only be here another two months. Then this will be over. We just have to keep moving forward. I don’t want any interaction with him until he leaves. Tell Frank that, please.”

  I left the building and ran all the way back down to my house. I found another gerbera daisy intertwined in my fence. Anna must’ve felt guilty, bless her heart. She had nothing to feel bad about. This wasn’t her fault, and she was right to be angry. I’m just lucky that she’d forgiven me.

  Chapter 10

  As the weeks went by, I found myself cried out over Nathan Bradley. Sure, it still hurt to know that he was just up the hill, but I tried not to think about it. Since Lenny had installed my new fingerprint activated security, and with Frank lurking, there was no way for Nathan to sneak in on me again, even though, at times, I wished he could.